TIMING VS LOVE . Which is on your side ?

I despise our timing. I regret how our timing never aligns. I regret how we never overlap.

💔

Why can’t we just make it right? Why can’t we just adjust our clocks so we can be on the same time?

I feel like our timing is off but we also keep finding each other over and over again. We keep slipping back into each other’s lives like there’s still something more, like maybe the timing was wrong but now it’s right. Maybe we’ve changed enough to stand against timing so it doesn’t stand in our way again.

Sometimes I think that it’s really not about timing but maybe we just need more time.…together.

More time to understand the differences, more time to talk about what went wrong, more time to get to know all the details that we were so afraid to share. Maybe now I’ll be braver because I want you to stay and maybe now you’ll be more open to staying because you’re tired of leaving.

Maybe this time, timing will be on our side. Maybe this is it.

And if it’s not meant to be, then at least we’ll know for sure. At least we can say we didn’t let timing stop us again, we didn’t make excuses, we found reasons.

I’m tired of our timing. I’m tired of hearing that we’re not meant to be.

Because I can’t help but wonder if timing was on our side all this time but we were just too blind to see it, too young to understand it and too dumb to realize that we can do something about it.

What if timing was always on our side and that’s why it keeps coming back and reminding us that our story is not over yet.

Maybe all our story needs is more time and less timing. More actions and fewer words. More reasons and no more excuses. 

Sometimes I wish I could be more than selfish

I’m only 23. But for me, this has been the year of a loss of many friendships I held dearly for so long in my heart. I never thought it would happen. I never meant for it to happen. But in your 20’s shitty stuff happens. People grow apart. People change in a way that makes you uncomfortable. People grow distant. and its’ not anyone’s fault. It’s just what it is. It just happens.

Maybe some of them will see this and read this and roll their eyes. Maybe I’m the one to blame. Maybe I’m the one who was too selfish.

I’m not saying it’s a good thing to hurt people. I’m not saying you should insult and curse at every person who wronged you in the past. Don’t maliciously betray a friend or a significant other just to get revenge. Don’t go and scream at your ex for breaking up with you.

This is what I’m saying. I’m saying that you need to be selfish. Selfish in the people that you surround yourself with. Selfish in who you choose to spend time with. Selfish in regards to who you let your guard down for. Selfish in who you want to sleep with, eat with, converse with and sit with.

I’ve wasted too much time on giving my heart to people who didn’t even want it. I’ve wasted too much time on trying nourishing relationships and friendships that were already died. I’ve wasted too much of my time on toxic people.

And I don’t need that in my life.

It’s taken 23 years for me to learn that my life is mine. It’s not his or hers or theirs. It’s mine. It’s mine to make my own mistakes and to learn from them. It’s my own life to grow and change and fuck up and grow some more.

I’m not perfect. No one is. We all struggle. We all go through hell. We all climb through mountains in snowstorms. I have no hate for any of the friendships and relationships I have lost. I hold no resentment for them in my heart. In fact, all I have is love for them. An overflowing amount of love for them.

But just because I can’t be in their lives anymore, doesn’t mean that they don’t matter. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t worthy or beautiful or fun or smart. This isn’t even about their character or my love for them.

This is about me taking control of my life. And taking control of my own heart which I have neglected for so long.

And maybe it’s harsh. I hate hurting people even when I don’t mean to. I hate cutting people out of my life. I hate losing these friends and these people who I so deeply love.

But I need to let them go. I need to let all that negativity go. And so do you. And after you do, please forgive yourself. You will never please everybody in this world. Not everyone in this world will love you. But at least you can love yourself.

At least you can say, that you did this for you. And don’t forget, you will always have you

Depression makes me unable to fall in love like a normal person

I’m scared my mental illness makes me unlovable.

It’s a statement I hate writing and a sentence I hate thinking about. But it’s how I feel. And as my depression and anxiety become more chronic, my thoughts about falling in love become more negative and my belief of the chances of it happening for me start to grow slim. While I know this is a small part of me, I can’t help but feel as though there is a giant neon sign following me, warning people away.

The truth is, when I tell the people I’m dating it usually starts out OK. They seem to understand and accept this is a part of me, but it isn’t all me.

I’ve had exes tell me they can’t make me feel better because I’m letting these “issues” consume me. I’ve had exes tell me they don’t feel as though they can tell me the truth about things because they’re worried it’ll send me into a tailspin. I’ve had exes try to tell me how to manage my illnesses even though they’ve never experienced it themselves.

I don’t need someone to tell me what to do or how to do it when it comes to depression or anxiety. All I want, all I truly want, is someone just to love me through it. That’s the part that is sometimes lost on potential partners. I don’t need someone to fix me. I go to therapy. I take my medication. I work hard each and every day to ensure I am doing all I can to prevent the bad days from occurring more often than not.

What I do need is for someone to just be there when things get hard. When those bad days come on and I can’t think of a reason why I should get out of bed, I want someone to be there to just tell me I can do it. I want someone to hold me when, in the middle of the night, I can’t breathe because my anxiety is out of control. I want to be able to tell someone my deepest darkest secrets when it comes to my illness and not have them look at me like I have three heads.

I know it’s not easy to ask someone to be a part of my life when most of the time my moods are a little unpredictable. I know it’s not fair that I’m going to let someone down because I just can’t help myself from wanting to hide from the world on really bad days. I feel it’s not reasonable that sometimes my problems become their problems because I just need someone to shoulder a bit of the weight that comes with depression and anxiety.

I know all of these things but it doesn’t mean I’m unlovable or incapable of giving love. Because I so am. I know I am.

I will love the shit out of people despite the fact it’s sometimes hard to love myself. I am able to listen and accept criticism when things just aren’t working for my partner. I am able to just be there for someone when they’re having a really, really bad day. And I’m able to empathize, not sympathize or compare, when talking to someone about their problems.

So, I’ve been with people who don’t get me or my mental health. I’ve been with people who have told me that my mental illness makes it so it’s difficult to love me. I’ve also been the person pushing people away in order to protect myself from them potentially leaving me when it gets a little too hard to deal with.

But no one is perfect, and I am no exception.

It's Been A Long Time

Dear Reader ,

It's been real some time since the last post and a lot of thing changes while all theses time flew past the years of human .
Livestyle , Family , Friend , College , Work life , what should have gone have been gone what should arrive have already sticking by . Opps did I forget relationship , yeah my relationship thank god still the same since 2011 just that people grows ; older and wiser and more sensitive . All this while , from family breaking apart , mental breaking apart and friendship falling apart of course a lot more with all sort of stuff breaking apart it does teach me life is so unpredictable but if we stay strong to fight it we still can manage to overcome all  those challenges given by the all mighty giver. Pretty much sure about that he won't give you burden that is out of your control even it may he will be  there to guide you back to the right direction and all you have to do is listen in peace and of course you don't listen all but to use your smarty brain to identify which is better for you .

How many heartbreak how many failure we say , destiny will always make fun of people when they have a proper life already , we thought and life will say "NO watch me ". By that means your world is going upside down life the Ferris wheel , some times you are up and some days you are far below. While all you can do is either fight it and climb to the highest or let it be and relax all you can.

22 years and there's no one day smoother than how it could be today.  Everyday is a challenge , I mean every day have new challenge just the way to overcome it had always multiplying . One day older , one day wiser aren't we ? The more challenge we face the more we know how to dealt with it when another challenge come as we faced almost similar thing the whole life. Then one day when you are 80 , you will laugh at the problem as it is to easy peasy . " PEACHY !! Ain't it too easy " ....
Is not critcal illness that can't be cure , ok eventhough it really can't be cure what's the big deal we are already 80 ... I put it as lived long enough? He have granted you enough ....

Different people different life indeed . Some people may married on 20 , still studying on 20 , had babies son 20 or worst to worst died on 20. Seriously folks live your life to the fullest , who knew today may be your last day or this second may be you last moment , minutes might even the last second you smile on this land . Maybe sky if you are in the plane / private jet / helicopter / etc .

Altho we may cry but hey whats the big deal . Tomorrow will be better unless you already given up hoping I don't know .  I hope the best for you folk

I am that girl that you think I'm not

I'm the girl that keeps a smile on her face,
Even when things are a mess and her faith falls out of place,
I'm the girl who believes in taking chances for what she wants,
Instead of pretending to be happy as someone she's not.

I'm the girl who's not afraid to let her emotions show,
And learns to go on as her feelings start to grow,
I'm the girl who would never give up on the love of her life,
Because there are two paths and she can take the wrong or the right,

I'm the girl who would walk a million miles away,
Just to find the love that she's been waiting for everyday.

I'm the girl who doesn't care about what other people think of her style,
The one that savors every moment even if its only for a little while,
I'm the girl who wishes but doesn't believe,
Because she's sad if she lets go, and then her love would leave.

I'm that girl that people call weird, random, and dramatic,
But there's more to me if you'll listen behind all the noise and static,

I'm that girl that can cry and laugh at the same time,
The one who's innocent-looking but can commit a heartbreaking crime,
I'm the girl that tries so hard to push herself through,
The one that doesn't care if she'll ever fit in group cool.

I'm the girl you can call imperfect,
My hair is always in a mess,
I'm really not so different from the rest,
If it were up to me I'd say I come in second best.

I'm that girl who loves to laugh,
The one that can joke around while her world is falling with a great crash,
The one who envies those blond girls and their perfect lives,
Meanwhile I'm stuck on this wild ride.

I'm the girl that loves to dream,
But this reality is not what it seems,
A fairytale ending waiting to come true,
Another risk worth taking, what does she have to lose?

I'm the girl who can never prove what she can really do,
Because she gives up too easily but no one really knew,
Instead she's judged by others that are strangers to her eyes,
Bottled up with silent cries and too many old goodbyes,
But no one's there so she has to rely on herself...

I'm that girl,
And this is my world...

What 2013 Taught Me

Hi peep ! I'm BACK to my lalaland .  How have u'oll been?
I've been quite busy with my study so my diaries become quite dusty . Haha , you see the rhyme there? 

It's almost to the end of year 2013 . Few days to go aand poof . There we are in year 2014 . How did your 2013 going on ?? ( leave a comment if you like )
For me , I have gone through alot , real alot . Love and hate , friendship and betrayal , sweet and bitter but most of all I learnt much from what i have encounter during this long year. People comes and go . Those who stay are real , those who leave it's their choice isn't it. Still , for who stay with me and give me support during this whole year , thanks to you all alot . Really without your support n encouragement , I won't be writing this post here.




Dear readers, do you ever go through a phrase that goes : " What doesn't break you make you stronger " . Yes , I totally agree with that . WHY ? I gone through betrayal . An unaccepted action in any relationship is BETRAYAL. It hurts people much when you trust that person and we have special strong bonding but that person choose to stab you in the back . For their own advantage and benefits ! Curse it ! I am pretty sure
karma will get ya ,so I wouldn't even care to lay a single finger on you . Let karma do the job for me . Well somehow what comes around ,goes around . Am I right ? 

Okay . Enough of being frustrated . Let me share with you a bit of great news. This is the year I enjoyed trips and travelled places . Ngee ~ It's still considered an amazing year for me , I wonder it's me being lucky or what.
I travelled the north of malaysia but since I studied in Ipoh so this place doesn't count bhahaha.  And oh yes  I got a sponsored trip to Thailand for 9 days . Lucky enough isn't it . Luxurious meal and enjoyable trip ..OK OMG I want it again pleasee * blink blink watery eyes *  . Honestly I love this trip more than any of the other because I met alot of people with different culture , from different country  . Laos , Myanmar , Cambodia , Vietnam and lastly of course Thailand itself. I made friends and know their language and habits , culture. I spend this 9 days fully and happily . Thats the trip where I manage to left all my sorrow annd trouble behind me . Not thinking bout it. Nothing , not even a single trace of it :) I'M JUST THAT HAPPY KID ! yi haaa...


Year 2013 taught me what real live is. It's just the beginning of my journey , I clearly knows it. I have to brave myself to accept upcoming challenges. It's still early for me to conclude my life .... Few days to go but toward 2014,  I'm ready .

The Untold

It have been so long since I updated my post last time. Sorry peeps.
Posting started when there is somethings that we couldn't share directly face to face with people . It's something hard to be spoken out in speech. The only solution is to write it down.

I truly hate the feeling of being left behind by other people especially by love one.Everyone feels the same, right?
I don't really know since when but I can feel myself breaking little by little everyday.And I'm just wondering when will I shatter completely. I been acting the not so myself . Laughing hard and pretending strong in front of everyone I know ,everyone I meet. I gave them the impression of the cheerful and happy go lucky ME.Only if they know the meaning behind that smile and laughter is tear and sadness that completely torn me inside .I bumped into challenge ,obstacles , and crappy stuff . I kinda forgot the reasons that make me smile and I'm forcing myself to pretend happy day by day, when at night by myself I cry myself to sleep to kill my pain and heartbreak. I wanted to look brave . I don't want people to see me cry . I don't even want people to see my weak side.
But hanging on SUCKS !! There's time I feel giving up and just walk away from it. Tears drop again and again. Bring me the old me , please bury the me right now . I wish to drop down and die and reborn .

What we gone through

I’m not going to lie, last year was the worst year for us. We fought most of the time, we had some distance between us, and I let my pride get in the way too. One thing I’ll never forget was when i almost broke it off with you. I was going through a hard time with my family, and I didn’t know what to do. I kept thinking about leaving you but it lead me on to missing you more and more. And now look at us. We’re getting stronger, we went through hell and back.

I know for a very short time, we have so many stuff in life that we don’t really understand, for the fact that we never get along together. We have so many discrepancies, so many hesitations, questions and doubt not only for our relationship, but as well as within our self. But no matter what it takes, for this short period of time, I learned to love you so deep, learned to forgive you when you crashed my heart, learned to accept what you’d done, learned to dream about future with you, learned to sacrifice my pride, learned to smile when I’m sad, to sleep with sadness in my heart and hope that tomorrow everything’s will be alright, to pray that you’ll not gonna say goodbye, to hope that whatever argument were having, you’re still there, holding on... to wish the impossible thing in life. I learned to feel the true love. But all of those, I never learned how to love you less in every waking day of my life... thank you so much Babe for letting me feel those kinds.

I am so so glad that God give you to me, that you came to my life at the right moment I need something to lean on. Although not all things are going to work out the way that we want to, we fought for some reasons but we overcome those that determines how strong are relationship is. Thank you for the love that you are giving me and reminding me of that everyday, for the joy you are bringing me and I am always be grateful that I’ve found you, the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I LOVE YOU and I have so much love to give even more.

We do not know if this love of ours will last. The future is not ours to see. I’m afraid that someday you might meet someone who is a lot better than me, or you might realize that I’m not the ideal person to settle down with. We can’t fight fate, but I’ll try to always be at my best just for you.

I’ve already said a lot, but to make the story short, I will love you forever and I will never give up on us.

"With you, everyday is a Valentine's Day." 

OPEN DIARY - CHAPTER 1

LOVE VS FRIENDSHIP VS STUDIES

Things are suppose to be different at every stage as we grow doesn't it . Times never stay for anyone or any reason When I was a kid I couldn't wait to grow up, and now that I'm grown, I just wish I was a kid again. Those fun and lovely childhood but things never rewind . So long as time passed , I stepped into another world of education ,the higher education institution . Half fun half stress . As soon as I realized I have gone through lots of things and incident which is mixture of happy, sad , bitter ,awesome and awful .  I always got to tell myself "It's time to grow up , you aren't kids anymore. Much more things ahead to be face by your own so brace yourself up ". Definitely want or not I must ... It's not an option anymore as I choose to be far away from home , family and old friends who accompanied me during the past year and be right here in Ipoh to continue my study . Compared to my other friends who was already in 2nd grade , 3rd grade or above , for me ....I'm just a 1st grader in Diploma but going to end the 1st grade in one month ahead .  WAY TO GO DARLING !!!

Head up, stay strong. Fake a smile, move on.

Love, friends and study are three elements I get in touch n can't be separated with when I'm here . Somehow it's not easy to manage them well anyway because when u gave more attention to one ,the other two will be neglected . Sad but true . When there's sunshine in life , there would be storm . It just a matter of how we handle it , if failed then u might trip over real hard . Bleeding.

 - Sometimes it's the bad things that happen in our lives that put us on the path to the best things.-

Get into trouble and misunderstanding in a relationship with your love or friends are normal... Give them time to be alone. Explain but keep silent after the deliver the important message because if they believe you they would , after so long accepted you for who you are .They know you more than any other does as they are second closest to you after your family . If they return ,welcome them back with a warm hug and smile . In case they don't , show them you really do care for them but if they don't cared anymore no more , one words .  Smile and move on dude . The language of love and friendship are not words but meaning. 

 

A man, Those Men

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...
There is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
- Oprah Winfrey.

I'M DONE

Hey peeps..look like it have been weeks since i posted something into this little world of mine . So, how have u all been ? looking great huh ... maybe some are being down.
Everyone would have feel something different through their own life u know, like happy, sad ,excited , sky-lift etc. remeber we won't be n the top everytime as we ever heard a wise man saying " world goes round , sometimes we are high above sometimes we are down there" .
Yes we must bear with it though when thing get unbearable ...it's just like the END of it .

It's not like I have not try but I am done.

I’m done with being treated like crap.

I’m done with people who don’t care.

I’m done with being second best,

second loved,

second considered in everything.

I’m done with being walked all over.

I’m done with being angry,

I’m done with the coldness,

I’m done with her,

and him,

and everyone.

I’m done with not having anything to call my own.

I’m done with depending on people just to live.

I’m done with living in general.

I’m done with the anxiety,

I’m done with the stress,

I’m done with the tightness in my shoulders, the way my back feels like it could break any moment.

I’m done with being left and abandoned.

I’m done with being doubted,

I’m done with being weak,

I’m done with longing and never getting.

I’m done.

I’m 200% fucking done.

*sobs~

It's all bout LOVE

Sometimes, love is just not enough. No matter how hard we've tried, our problems remain unsolved. We loved and got hurt along the way, thats enough, right? Despite our efforts, we've already reach our limits. I really don't want things to end between us, after all the things we've put up with each other, our fights and suffering, we still have those laughing moments and happy times, right? I love you, but it's a pity this feeling can't solve our problems. Have you ever cried so hard with someone you love over something both of you can't resolve? We hugged and cried together because we cared for each other, it proved that our love was true. Honestly, people do get tired after trying hard for some time and it only takes one of us in a relationship to end it once they feel tired and gives up. It's frustrating and unacceptable for the one who still wants to keep trying, it's just unfair, you know? But it takes two in a relationship to work, if there's only one of you trying and another giving up, do you still think you can go far although things don't end now? I really wish the problems don't exist or can we just overlook them and pretend everything is alright between us? Every relationship have to go through this phase one way or another before they actually find their true love, I believe I will too. Don't give up on love.

FAR AWAY LAND

You ever feel like just running away?

For seldom times , I do .

Just leaving. Everyone, and everything sitting somewhere faraway form you, while you're on your own.

I don't know. I guess I'm just tired of everything. I'm overwhelmed. It may not be all the time, but when I am, it's always TOO MUCH. It isn't ever okay, it's always more than I can handle, and I always feel like I'm handling it, alone.

Just tired. Nothing else. Sometimes it's just being alone and starred in daze make me feel better inside, calm and peaceful .

Good Bye 2012

Dear 2012,

As you pack your bags and get ready to leave, and as you see people get pumped up with their firecrackers and all the noisemakers available, please bear in mind that you will never be forgotten. You may not have been that long a year, or time has just really be passing so quickly, but that does not make anything you leave with us any less memorable.

For all the new experiences, new feelings, new friends, new love and all things new, thank you. You might be well aware of the thrill of first times. May it be good or bad, happy or sad, it happened and I thank you for many reasons— for lessons, mostly.

For everything that stayed, I thank you just as well, maybe even more. Thank you for the people that did not leave, for the passion that continued on burning, for the boyfriend who understand, who listen, who taught me a lot of things, who make life a little bit more fun, a little bit more bearable, a little bit more crazy and a whole lot more worth living. Thank you for the friends who accept me, over and over again. Thank you for the family that never ever left, no matter how irrational you become, how much you demand and how much of a brat you are. No matter the mood swings, the tantrums, the silent treatment and all. Let them know that their existence is a gift I will never be tired of opening, looking at and treasuring as much as cherishing.

Thank you for the people I met and liked, and those I did not. More than anything, thank you for the new brand of patience I acquired. Thank you for new books and old books, and for the time to read. Thank you for fluctuating moods that let me think stuff over, for giving me the passion to write and letting it stay after all this time, for my supportive boyfriend and grandparents. Thank you for the adventure times I had with my friends, in places I have learned to navigate on, and places I have never been to. Thank you for the people that have been with me, in ups, in downs, and in both. Most especially my boyfriend. Thank you for the smiles and the tears, the raised eyebrows, the one-sided smile, the uncontrollable laughter, the sarcastic remarks, the snide comments, and everything else. And for not letting the world end last December 21.

Most of all, above everything said and done, thank you for the feelings you let me feel and the lessons you let me learn.

Thanks to God for granting all my wishes for the past year.Thank you for these last hours with you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

My Little Feeling

A new semester begins....

For this 2 weeks I am here , you said I thrown a lot of tantrum, willful ,pushing you away and being bossy .You said my attitude worsen and you got very annoyed by me and my attitude. I know these recently I keep feel upset and got my mood low for no reason but I shown it directly on my face instead of hiding it not letting you know and acting I'm perfectly fine like usual. I'm truly sorry for my attitude but I really wonder why , maybe I expecting too much attention which I try to get when I'm far away from you last time. I swear don't meant it to act that way .
You know you acted so differently sometimes as if I've lost you in those days or hours. I realize you have been a grown up man with matured thinking .For me, I'm a grown up girl but still have that childish thinking . Sometimes, I start to doubt myself whether I really understand you. My worries crept up on me and I fought to push those thoughts away. I want to believe that you are still the man I feel in love with and had held on for so long for that. Do I still have your heart with me??                                              Now Playing   : A Little Piece of Heaven :

I remember you say ,you'll be staying by my side no matter what and we keep holding hands till the end. Right? I know I girl you wish for and want to be with but please I'm willing to try being one . I'm not afraid to try.
I'm sorry for disappointing you with everything of mine now..SORRY

LDR ?!

Distance is so hard, and I hate trying to explain that to people, because they just don’t get it. I  wonder what so hard for them to try understand the sweetness of being in LDR sometimes . They say that we will never work out because of the distance. They say that the person I’m with will get bored of me and move on and that long distance never works, it only works in movies. Well. I’m going to make my dream come true by making my boyfriend and I work. I will make sure that nothing breaks us up. Thats my goal and hope. They don’t get how you can love someone regardless on where they are and be willing to wait for them. Many of you think i’m crazy, and i guess i am. Love makes you do crazy things. At least I’ll be happy at the end.

I just want my friends to back me up on the things I believe in. I just wish people would stop getting my hopes down. :/ 

Only the LDR couples understand though . What a pity.

* fireworks* "boom baamm boom" "sparkles" WOW BEAUTIFULL !!!!

The late night skies are beautiful with those colourful fireworks and the atmosphere so nice. Watching the fireworks and listening to the popping sound , le me wondering how is it in Ipoh ?? Is it the same as here in Johor ,my place .
Kinda want to watch these firework with him now , Mr Jeff Jr . U know I missed you much ....huhu sobs sobs. Hoping one day ,we can watch the firework together at night under the beautiful night sky .
Anyway , Happy Diwali to our beloved Indians fellow friends on their enjoyable day !!!

Goodnyte ,peeps.Sweet Dreams

PAST

Just as wad people used to say " First love are easy to love ,but hard to forget ". This directly linked to my situation even it's already 1 year and half plus me and him seperated and I stepped into a new relationship with my current boyfriend. 1 year wasn't long and wasn't short . A lot of thing change and scars heal but memory just stubbornly won't fade. Each picture are still clear in mind and those are the "memory".
IT"S JUST HARD TO FORGET . For those time ,there are still chances I took a peek to check out his condition. A day before my 1 year and 5 month with my recent boyfriend ,I found those love letter that the "ex" wrote to me and re-read it . Amazing that the feeling of sweetness : GONE . Just the feeling of appreciation arrive into my heart. He did love me much but we both just not fated to be. Wad still make my heart gettign doubt was a sentence like this

"U know wad you're talking about ??? There's no one except you. No girl can replace you . "- he wrote.
"Whenever she was around even when we are seperated ,she will always be in my heart and my mind" -he said to one of my friend

I burnt all the letter just after I read it ...saying goodbye to this lovely man

Well , recently heard that he found a good girlfriend that who once was his god-sister.. I know maybe I din't get his blessing when I start with my recent boyfriend but I still hope the best for him ( the  "ex" ) . May God bless him and her. Amen . I saw your tweet , that right boy . "Past is past"  ^-^  Hope your future are brighter with the presence of her . Congratulation to the new husband and wife , MR.A and MS.E
Boy , remember to treat her well . Go on with your life .



SOPHIE

Relationship Chemical Reaction

Love is a threshold; It just keeps going up and up until it can't go any higher.
-John Mayer

I was once in love, but that's now just a faint memory.

I think I found out how relationships work. These thoughts are just compiled from experience and from wisdom from others.It may not apply to all or maybe just altered to other peoples situations but this how most people's relationships start and work out. :]


When you first meet sombody, you either like them straight away OR they like you OR you both secretly like each other right from the very start. You soon find out from a friend of a friend of a friend that he/she likes you too and it kills you, paralyzes you, floors you, sends you crashing down like an airplane. You fall so hard you gotta pick yourself off the ground when you find out. So you gather yourself and find a way to contact them by getting their number or asking for their email and call them, text them, email them or chat with them saying, "...yeah, that was a great conversation. Can I see you some time?" and they answer with, "I'd like that. :]"

"I'd like that." The feeling you get from hearing her/him say that is amazing it drops you back down to the ground like someone shot you. Your heart's about to stop out of joy because of "I'd like that." Nothing feels better than hearing them say "I'd like that." So now your blood pressures going up, you're six feet off the ground, you can't sleep because of "I'd like that."

So now you've hanging out for a while, and you call him/her again late at night like every other night and you feel like you've just droped the bomb and say "You know what, I've been thinking about you a lot..." and she gasps for air and you're like, "What's wrong?" and he/she replies with, "I'm sorry, it's just that I've been thinking about you a lot too."

The moment you hear him/her say, "...it's just that I've been thinking about you a lot too." BOOM! You fly higher into the sky. So high you feel like you've never felt this good before. So now "I'd like that."; done. You're now at "I've been thinking about you too.".

Now after a few weeks or months of being together, how ever long it takes for you to get comfortable with him/her, you gain the courage and sum it all up to tell them, "I gotta tell you something..." and they say "What?" and you say "I'm in love with you."

...and nothing in the world sounds better than "I'm in love with you." :]

From that, maybe she's crying out of joy or is supprised and you say in your head "I'm in. :))" It's rare that when you reach this point you still get friendzoned so it's not something to worry about. :D So now we just past "I'd like that." and "I've been thinking about you.". Now we're at "I'm in love with you." and there's no holding back anymore because you both have the same feeling and he/she fires back with "Well, I'm in love with you too :3".
Soon some day follows "I love you." answered back with "I love you too."

Fast forward, now you're like "I love you more than anything in life." cause "I love you." doesn't work anymore cause it's a threshold, it keeps moving up. Fast forward maybe six months, six weeks, whatever the case may be. Now you're like "I wanna marry you.", "I wanna impregnate you with my love.", "I just wanna F-...", "I wanna just send my love to you.", "I wanna make cute babies with you and be the father of your children.".

"Damn it, words don't work anymore."

...and at some point you reach this point and you know you've used this line in whatever language you use saying, "I just wish they'd put a new word in the dictionary bigger than love cause love just doesn't describe what I feel..."

D:

...and so then now they come right back at you asking you, "Well do YOU love me?" and you'd answer straight away without a doubt "Of course I do!""Well say it."

Then it becomes...

"Say it twice."

"Say it three times."

...and then you cross a real interesting point over time where all of a sudden she starts to say "I hate you." and you think to yourself "Oh my God, she hates me. :\" which then evolves to...

"I hate you more than anything."

"We're over!"

"No, we're not!"

Then they go "Yes, we are. :("

Now all the words you've said and things have done mean nothing at all anymore. You're left with nothing. You're throwing punchs at water. You're wishing for things to work out out of all the efforts you make after everything has done and the fire has disappeared. You're done. It's over. That's the end.

You wanna know what the moral of the lesson is?

Never, ever, ever underestimate the power of "I'd like that."

Hey, boy....♥

I honestly don’t know how you’ve put up with me for so long. You haven’t given up on me and my issues. 
You’re the only person who has stayed long enough to know that it’s impossible for me to be happy with myself and everything else that’s going on. I have no clue how you can cope with my constant mood swings, anxiety attacks, negative thoughts, cutting, refusing to eat, late night texts after a night terror… 
I really just don’t know how you do it.
But what makes me wonder the most is why.
Why do you stick with me through this hell?
Why did you choose me, over every other girl who is absolutely perfect?
I’m a mess, you know that. 
I have so many imperfections, and yet, you seem to look past them all and see a beautiful girl with lots on her mind and worries that need to be sorted out. You try so hard to make me feel better everyday… you try so hard. 
I feel bad when I just can’t seem to accept your compliments, or take your advice. I’m sorry.
You know I would never let you go for the world, right?
You know I want you to be happy too, right?

So, answer me this: How can you be happy with somebody as problematic and me? How?

I don’t know why you think I’m beautiful. Or sane. Or lovely. Or anything that you think I might be. Believe me, nothing about me is right.
So, why do you stay?
I don’t know.
I honestly do not know.
But thank you for sticking with me through all of my tears, blood, bruising, stubbornness, pain, worrying. 
You’re an amazing boy just for doing all of that  ♥