Shattered......

ARGGGGHHH!!! Why why must he rack up what's the past when he was the one who say he hate racking up the history... Are promise meant to be broken? Does it??!!! I don't understand... Bie, I really don't.
I have been trying so hard ...very very hard to please everyone. I don't know what else I can do :( sob~
Since the last argument about me being close with guys ,I shut myself down and keep distance with them . Yet it still seem not enough or it is because of lack of trust ? Last time I explained myself and you replied "well since you can't change then I change for you" but this time when the case being rack up I told you the whole truth about all the stuff but you doubt me don't you.... Thanks for being truth .
This is the last to say. I feel easy with guys more than girl because I grown up with guys and they are the one who teach me what's being real and friends loyalty . Friendship and being true to other ,for me it don't depend on gender . I'll be nice to who are nice to me and be nasty to who nasty to me..Each friends have their own way to call me and I won't mind because that shows they treat me as one closest of them. But for a strangers , I always have a limit .That's me ...the real me. I hate loneliness ,it kills me ,that's the reason I have lots of bosom friends and members.

You say "I like you being real " but wait...really? stop lying to yourself ...you just accept a part of me . Sorry that I can't be the one for you ...

I DON'T WISH TO LOSE YOU BUT THE DECISION IS NOT WITH ME.....

SOPHIE

Distance

Long Distant Relationships. People say

-You’ve never even met them.
-They could be cheating on you right now.
-How can you love someone that you only see on tokbox or tinychat.
-You’re not really sleeping with them, you’re sleeping on the phone with them.
-“You’ll find someone better in your distance.”

Well I think it’s cute if people can maintain a distant relationship without giving up cause people say, “they’re cheating on you.” Thats how you know it’s a real relationship, especially cause theres so much trust. To be honest, you don’t even have to see someone to love someone. If someone can make you laugh and feel butterflies through a camera, then it’s real love because that means that even through camera, phone, or i.ms, they could still love each other through all of that.

Silent Cry

hey people... how r u guys doing?? I'm doing fine right now.. I'm going to change a new working place start tomorrow morning and I hope I can be easy with it.. so today is a post about like this :

Missing someone is the toughest task

Truthfully, I really felt some kind of insecure when people who used to be so close to me leave me so far ...it's just like they will leave me forever . So sad and tears me apart. I don't care whether it's my friend or family or any of my loves one ,I just can't accept that they being so far. I wasn't being clingy or depending just my life is more colorful with them around. More happier and cheerful with them . They let me be myself when I'm with them ,that's makes me so comfortable to be with them than others.

Hubby, I missed u so much ! It had been one whole week since u departed last Saturday, I guess it's around this time on last Saturday. To be truth I don't know when I have been so weak that I almost cry few times in this whole week... even I told myself "NO ,you shouldn't be crying " ...but tear still falls ~

Yesterday , I told him some of the stories and problem I faced and he listened carefully. I miss his humour ~ Bie always make me laugh and keeps me happy. Maybe because of that I feel like missing something when  he wasn't around and or he is busy . LONELY .Even I did buried myself with lots of work but when I stopped , I just can't not to think of him . There is time I wanted to text him and ask about his condition but I could barely send the text... so afraid that I annoyed him .Well, maybe I will be used to this situation soon .
Just like what he told me yesterday " I could always keep u company if u are just beside me but in fact u are not.. It's hard to keep u company by texting when I'm doing other things"
Yes , He was right . People needs their time for their own and can't always be for us . That's the lesson I learned from the past but just get the meaning these few days.

Holding on ~

It's Monday today and it pass real slow. Gosh ! time oh time could you tick faster ?? That was my only thought since morning . Working and working ,don't I have other thing to do. I did but now I got to save some money for further study soon :) excited thinking of further study on December hihi !! Sophie keep holding on ,fight till the end . You can do it ! Gampate .... * i wish i really could ,only if he is here with me ~ sigh*

However he shared a lot of stuff about the Politeknik with me ..He undergoing Orientation week , all newbies were present .He told me there was about 1000 + newbies .[ "omg! thats quite lots of people" jakun btol laa budak ni mcm x penah tngk manusia je...haha .] I din't show my jakun to him ,only here . Well, then after he return to his house ,he do laundry and ironing clothes  . Aww~ guys do laundry ,hardly seen but my one did . jealous?? He is way better than other who depends on mama and bibik ... sikit2 "Bik, tlong basuhkn baju " "Bik, ini ...Bik tolong itu..." if not "Mama , ni , mama tu !!"  . During further study ? No way, everything must be done our self . Luckily he was trained . So I don't worry much on daily chores but his daily meal . He got to eat out everyday because no one to cook for him... sendiri plak malas masak . GERAM !! Care for your health plezzz ~ kecian tengok my hubby makan luar tiap2 hary... nnty I masakkn ea bile I pegy sane . ( thats my promise to him )

A good news for me today is I finally found a new job and would be changing working place starting on 15/7/2012 . It a relieve for me .. why ? I couldn't tell, it's secret . :)

Another day passed

Today is the 2nd day I went on without him near by me... I spent all my time fully during work and finally finish majority of my work :) so proud. HAHA ~ while during the night we actually do some of the stock counting while chatting with each other happily ,sharing our experience and couple stuff .Girls stuff hehe . Btw, I saw his family during evening break today, that make me feel like he was still so close and just not far away . I know I 'm just halucinating and trying to comfort myself, so what as long as it help reduce my sadness .During noon I got news from him today that he already registered into the Politeknik Ungku Omar in Ipoh and actually found a place to stay. Oh that's great great news for me . Well, I really do miss him much but I just can hold it to myself. He went there to study of course for his future sake so I shouldn't be worry much . We both FIGHTING hard . It's just 4 month ! If we are destiny ,then nothing can seperate us . I guess that was what my friend told me.

Though it was lucky for me to be separated just for 4 months because some of my friend have no chance to meet their couple for half year and above. That's kinda torture . I pray that this 4 months pass smoothly without hard obstacle . AMEN. For his study too hope he success for the first semester and got flying colour during his final test. 

Anyway , this is all for today. Quite sleepy & balnk to write more so keep on reading to what would be shared tomorrow

P.S: Mr. J , I damnly missing you so much . Take Care well !

sincerely,
Sophie

1st day - He Left

hey people ..how's life? I missed u guys so much .. U know I have been too lazy to blog since I started to work due to "NO TIME" excuses. actually I miss blogging . So, I'm back to blog :) I'm back here just to release a bit of my thought.

      Today around 10 am I'm officially step into a far distance relationship. No, I'm still with the same sweet darling it's just he went for further study . From the second I knew he left n been traveling , how empty am I in the inside but I brave myself. Even Ipoh was far from Johor but I wonder why I still feel he is just around not far from me. Maybe it's my heart trying to persuade myself to make me feel better ~ I don't know ... however it helps a bit
U know I really do salute to those who undergoes far distance relationship knowing the hurt to miss and wait for the day to meet again . Even a day haven't past but I already feel the different. Its just 4 month , I keep reminding myself . Just 4 month .I will be going there on December that explains.

     From the journey start his text doesn't end till he is too tired and fall asleep tonight. Tired ,yes long journey of 7-8 hours are deathly tired . I smiled the whole day knowing that he arrived safely. He was so excited along the journey telling me what happen n what he saw , I felt his excitement . Of course I feel happy for him too...Just know something suddenly flash into my mind. He managed to wait for me to end my PLKN which takes 2 month and a half... with alots of obstacles . I guess for me 4 months are just too much !! How can the period of time be double for me ?! this is no fair....

    I smile too much today that suddenly teardrops rolled down my cheek during work off time. No I ain't crying ,I promise to be good so I won't cry. BIE, I REALLY MISS U ...really do miss u so much .

The song [ Jangan nakal & Tinggal kenangan]  from the shopping mall that plays with the weather are all wet today really seem understand my mood for this whole day.

missing you much,
sophie