What 2013 Taught Me

Hi peep ! I'm BACK to my lalaland .  How have u'oll been?
I've been quite busy with my study so my diaries become quite dusty . Haha , you see the rhyme there? 

It's almost to the end of year 2013 . Few days to go aand poof . There we are in year 2014 . How did your 2013 going on ?? ( leave a comment if you like )
For me , I have gone through alot , real alot . Love and hate , friendship and betrayal , sweet and bitter but most of all I learnt much from what i have encounter during this long year. People comes and go . Those who stay are real , those who leave it's their choice isn't it. Still , for who stay with me and give me support during this whole year , thanks to you all alot . Really without your support n encouragement , I won't be writing this post here.




Dear readers, do you ever go through a phrase that goes : " What doesn't break you make you stronger " . Yes , I totally agree with that . WHY ? I gone through betrayal . An unaccepted action in any relationship is BETRAYAL. It hurts people much when you trust that person and we have special strong bonding but that person choose to stab you in the back . For their own advantage and benefits ! Curse it ! I am pretty sure
karma will get ya ,so I wouldn't even care to lay a single finger on you . Let karma do the job for me . Well somehow what comes around ,goes around . Am I right ? 

Okay . Enough of being frustrated . Let me share with you a bit of great news. This is the year I enjoyed trips and travelled places . Ngee ~ It's still considered an amazing year for me , I wonder it's me being lucky or what.
I travelled the north of malaysia but since I studied in Ipoh so this place doesn't count bhahaha.  And oh yes  I got a sponsored trip to Thailand for 9 days . Lucky enough isn't it . Luxurious meal and enjoyable trip ..OK OMG I want it again pleasee * blink blink watery eyes *  . Honestly I love this trip more than any of the other because I met alot of people with different culture , from different country  . Laos , Myanmar , Cambodia , Vietnam and lastly of course Thailand itself. I made friends and know their language and habits , culture. I spend this 9 days fully and happily . Thats the trip where I manage to left all my sorrow annd trouble behind me . Not thinking bout it. Nothing , not even a single trace of it :) I'M JUST THAT HAPPY KID ! yi haaa...


Year 2013 taught me what real live is. It's just the beginning of my journey , I clearly knows it. I have to brave myself to accept upcoming challenges. It's still early for me to conclude my life .... Few days to go but toward 2014,  I'm ready .

The Untold

It have been so long since I updated my post last time. Sorry peeps.
Posting started when there is somethings that we couldn't share directly face to face with people . It's something hard to be spoken out in speech. The only solution is to write it down.

I truly hate the feeling of being left behind by other people especially by love one.Everyone feels the same, right?
I don't really know since when but I can feel myself breaking little by little everyday.And I'm just wondering when will I shatter completely. I been acting the not so myself . Laughing hard and pretending strong in front of everyone I know ,everyone I meet. I gave them the impression of the cheerful and happy go lucky ME.Only if they know the meaning behind that smile and laughter is tear and sadness that completely torn me inside .I bumped into challenge ,obstacles , and crappy stuff . I kinda forgot the reasons that make me smile and I'm forcing myself to pretend happy day by day, when at night by myself I cry myself to sleep to kill my pain and heartbreak. I wanted to look brave . I don't want people to see me cry . I don't even want people to see my weak side.
But hanging on SUCKS !! There's time I feel giving up and just walk away from it. Tears drop again and again. Bring me the old me , please bury the me right now . I wish to drop down and die and reborn .

What we gone through

I’m not going to lie, last year was the worst year for us. We fought most of the time, we had some distance between us, and I let my pride get in the way too. One thing I’ll never forget was when i almost broke it off with you. I was going through a hard time with my family, and I didn’t know what to do. I kept thinking about leaving you but it lead me on to missing you more and more. And now look at us. We’re getting stronger, we went through hell and back.

I know for a very short time, we have so many stuff in life that we don’t really understand, for the fact that we never get along together. We have so many discrepancies, so many hesitations, questions and doubt not only for our relationship, but as well as within our self. But no matter what it takes, for this short period of time, I learned to love you so deep, learned to forgive you when you crashed my heart, learned to accept what you’d done, learned to dream about future with you, learned to sacrifice my pride, learned to smile when I’m sad, to sleep with sadness in my heart and hope that tomorrow everything’s will be alright, to pray that you’ll not gonna say goodbye, to hope that whatever argument were having, you’re still there, holding on... to wish the impossible thing in life. I learned to feel the true love. But all of those, I never learned how to love you less in every waking day of my life... thank you so much Babe for letting me feel those kinds.

I am so so glad that God give you to me, that you came to my life at the right moment I need something to lean on. Although not all things are going to work out the way that we want to, we fought for some reasons but we overcome those that determines how strong are relationship is. Thank you for the love that you are giving me and reminding me of that everyday, for the joy you are bringing me and I am always be grateful that I’ve found you, the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I LOVE YOU and I have so much love to give even more.

We do not know if this love of ours will last. The future is not ours to see. I’m afraid that someday you might meet someone who is a lot better than me, or you might realize that I’m not the ideal person to settle down with. We can’t fight fate, but I’ll try to always be at my best just for you.

I’ve already said a lot, but to make the story short, I will love you forever and I will never give up on us.

"With you, everyday is a Valentine's Day." 

OPEN DIARY - CHAPTER 1

LOVE VS FRIENDSHIP VS STUDIES

Things are suppose to be different at every stage as we grow doesn't it . Times never stay for anyone or any reason When I was a kid I couldn't wait to grow up, and now that I'm grown, I just wish I was a kid again. Those fun and lovely childhood but things never rewind . So long as time passed , I stepped into another world of education ,the higher education institution . Half fun half stress . As soon as I realized I have gone through lots of things and incident which is mixture of happy, sad , bitter ,awesome and awful .  I always got to tell myself "It's time to grow up , you aren't kids anymore. Much more things ahead to be face by your own so brace yourself up ". Definitely want or not I must ... It's not an option anymore as I choose to be far away from home , family and old friends who accompanied me during the past year and be right here in Ipoh to continue my study . Compared to my other friends who was already in 2nd grade , 3rd grade or above , for me ....I'm just a 1st grader in Diploma but going to end the 1st grade in one month ahead .  WAY TO GO DARLING !!!

Head up, stay strong. Fake a smile, move on.

Love, friends and study are three elements I get in touch n can't be separated with when I'm here . Somehow it's not easy to manage them well anyway because when u gave more attention to one ,the other two will be neglected . Sad but true . When there's sunshine in life , there would be storm . It just a matter of how we handle it , if failed then u might trip over real hard . Bleeding.

 - Sometimes it's the bad things that happen in our lives that put us on the path to the best things.-

Get into trouble and misunderstanding in a relationship with your love or friends are normal... Give them time to be alone. Explain but keep silent after the deliver the important message because if they believe you they would , after so long accepted you for who you are .They know you more than any other does as they are second closest to you after your family . If they return ,welcome them back with a warm hug and smile . In case they don't , show them you really do care for them but if they don't cared anymore no more , one words .  Smile and move on dude . The language of love and friendship are not words but meaning. 

 

A man, Those Men

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...
There is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
- Oprah Winfrey.

I'M DONE

Hey peeps..look like it have been weeks since i posted something into this little world of mine . So, how have u all been ? looking great huh ... maybe some are being down.
Everyone would have feel something different through their own life u know, like happy, sad ,excited , sky-lift etc. remeber we won't be n the top everytime as we ever heard a wise man saying " world goes round , sometimes we are high above sometimes we are down there" .
Yes we must bear with it though when thing get unbearable ...it's just like the END of it .

It's not like I have not try but I am done.

I’m done with being treated like crap.

I’m done with people who don’t care.

I’m done with being second best,

second loved,

second considered in everything.

I’m done with being walked all over.

I’m done with being angry,

I’m done with the coldness,

I’m done with her,

and him,

and everyone.

I’m done with not having anything to call my own.

I’m done with depending on people just to live.

I’m done with living in general.

I’m done with the anxiety,

I’m done with the stress,

I’m done with the tightness in my shoulders, the way my back feels like it could break any moment.

I’m done with being left and abandoned.

I’m done with being doubted,

I’m done with being weak,

I’m done with longing and never getting.

I’m done.

I’m 200% fucking done.

*sobs~

It's all bout LOVE

Sometimes, love is just not enough. No matter how hard we've tried, our problems remain unsolved. We loved and got hurt along the way, thats enough, right? Despite our efforts, we've already reach our limits. I really don't want things to end between us, after all the things we've put up with each other, our fights and suffering, we still have those laughing moments and happy times, right? I love you, but it's a pity this feeling can't solve our problems. Have you ever cried so hard with someone you love over something both of you can't resolve? We hugged and cried together because we cared for each other, it proved that our love was true. Honestly, people do get tired after trying hard for some time and it only takes one of us in a relationship to end it once they feel tired and gives up. It's frustrating and unacceptable for the one who still wants to keep trying, it's just unfair, you know? But it takes two in a relationship to work, if there's only one of you trying and another giving up, do you still think you can go far although things don't end now? I really wish the problems don't exist or can we just overlook them and pretend everything is alright between us? Every relationship have to go through this phase one way or another before they actually find their true love, I believe I will too. Don't give up on love.

FAR AWAY LAND

You ever feel like just running away?

For seldom times , I do .

Just leaving. Everyone, and everything sitting somewhere faraway form you, while you're on your own.

I don't know. I guess I'm just tired of everything. I'm overwhelmed. It may not be all the time, but when I am, it's always TOO MUCH. It isn't ever okay, it's always more than I can handle, and I always feel like I'm handling it, alone.

Just tired. Nothing else. Sometimes it's just being alone and starred in daze make me feel better inside, calm and peaceful .

Good Bye 2012

Dear 2012,

As you pack your bags and get ready to leave, and as you see people get pumped up with their firecrackers and all the noisemakers available, please bear in mind that you will never be forgotten. You may not have been that long a year, or time has just really be passing so quickly, but that does not make anything you leave with us any less memorable.

For all the new experiences, new feelings, new friends, new love and all things new, thank you. You might be well aware of the thrill of first times. May it be good or bad, happy or sad, it happened and I thank you for many reasons— for lessons, mostly.

For everything that stayed, I thank you just as well, maybe even more. Thank you for the people that did not leave, for the passion that continued on burning, for the boyfriend who understand, who listen, who taught me a lot of things, who make life a little bit more fun, a little bit more bearable, a little bit more crazy and a whole lot more worth living. Thank you for the friends who accept me, over and over again. Thank you for the family that never ever left, no matter how irrational you become, how much you demand and how much of a brat you are. No matter the mood swings, the tantrums, the silent treatment and all. Let them know that their existence is a gift I will never be tired of opening, looking at and treasuring as much as cherishing.

Thank you for the people I met and liked, and those I did not. More than anything, thank you for the new brand of patience I acquired. Thank you for new books and old books, and for the time to read. Thank you for fluctuating moods that let me think stuff over, for giving me the passion to write and letting it stay after all this time, for my supportive boyfriend and grandparents. Thank you for the adventure times I had with my friends, in places I have learned to navigate on, and places I have never been to. Thank you for the people that have been with me, in ups, in downs, and in both. Most especially my boyfriend. Thank you for the smiles and the tears, the raised eyebrows, the one-sided smile, the uncontrollable laughter, the sarcastic remarks, the snide comments, and everything else. And for not letting the world end last December 21.

Most of all, above everything said and done, thank you for the feelings you let me feel and the lessons you let me learn.

Thanks to God for granting all my wishes for the past year.Thank you for these last hours with you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!